Explaining Death to Toddlers

It’s hard enough explaining life to your kids. Teaching them social norms that go counter to what we really want. “No you can’t have ice cream for breakfast. No you can’t stay up to watch ANOTHER movie. Don’t just walk into your neighbor friend’s house without being invited.” Explaining death was a new, much harder lesson to get through.

A few months ago, my grandfather passed away. We told the boys he went to Heaven. We hoped that had fully explained everything. We. Had. Not. We made it through most of the layout, until the little angels could not be contained in the back room with their cousins any longer.

Facing off

I took Tom through the receiving line, past the coffin, towards Grandma. He was quiet and solemn. He was respectful. I carried him through the line, and he asked if he could give Grandpa a kiss.

He bent down, and kissed Grandpa’s cheek, and, at an inappropriately high volume declared, “Ew! He’s really cold.”

”But he’s right there”

Then he saw Grandma. Completely drained of tears, and wondered why she had been crying. Grandpa was supposed to be in Heaven, but here he is, sleeping in this very room.

“Grandpa isn’t sleeping buddy. He isn’t going to wake up. His body is here. Tomorrow we’re taking it to the cemetery to bury it. His spirit though, the parts of him you loved. His smile. That’s in Heaven. And Heaven is everywhere. So Grandpa is everywhere.”

Tom spent the next hour pointing at corners, under chairs, on shelves, in random cars in the parking lot, “Grandpa is here. Grandpa is here. Grandpa is here.” I teared up a little taking Tom through the line.

Bring on the waterworks

When I entered the back room, I saw the exasperated look on my wife’s face, holding Huck back. He wanted to go through too. I tucked in his little shirt, and adjusted his tie just so, and carried him into the main room, and again waited in the receiving line.

Huck pointed at the flowers and all the people in the room he knew. He was bright and jovial. Excited to be out of the “prison” the back room, full of kids, food, cookies, and toys, had been.

When we were a few people from looking over Grandpa, Huck looked at me, with the biggest, most excited eyes ever, a huge smile on his face, “I show Grandpa mine bow tie!”

I burst into tears. “I’m sure he’ll be really excited to see it, buddy.”