How to make your five-year-old cry

Kids are not logical creatures. When dinner is on the stove, and the timer is counting down with 15 minutes left, they’ll begin crying about how hungry they are and try to weasel some cookies out of you. When you give them orders to cease the dangerous activity that will cause them harm, they come crying to you when that activity causes them harm. However, Tom has started connecting dots. He can see how a logical puzzle comes together.

One night, while getting ready for bed, I asked Huck to take Thatcher outside (I told you, irresponsible. We’ll probably talk about that again at some point, don’t judge me too hard) while I got the bath ready with Becky, for all three of them.

When the bath was ready I called down for Tom and Huck. Tom comes running up to get ready for the bath and hops in with Becky. Huck comes up a minute or so later with Thatcher hot on his heels. I ask Huck if he took Thatcher out. He started to answer. Tom chimed in “Yea. He took him out!”

I didn’t think that was correct. There was a lot of commotion downstairs, and Huck had the look of someone who was going to reveal that while they tried to complete the task they were given, the did not, in fact, do what they were asked.

Huck answered that he was unable to get Thatcher to stay still enough to get the leash on him, and therefore, did not take him out.

I looked at Tom. “Why did you lie to me?”

“I thought he took him out.”

“But you told me he did take him out. I didn’t address you with the question. You chimed in, to intentionally lie to me. You could have kept your mouth shut, and not gotten yourself in trouble. Huck wasn’t going to get in trouble for trying to do what I asked him to.”

I finished bathing the trio, took the dog out (he peed on the carpet) left the boys watching TV, and got the youngest into bed. Then I came down to talk to Tom.

“You lied to me. I hate liars. I know ‘hate’…”

I could see tears welling up behind his eyes. He had put the blocks together. If Dad hates liars, and I lied, then I am a liar, and Dad hates me.

“I know ‘hate’ is a strong word. And I don’t use it lightly. I say this because I need you to know why I’m upset with you lying. I need you to do your best to tell me the truth. You are in trouble for lying. If you didn’t say anything, you wouldn’t have gotten in trouble. If Huck had lied to me, he’d be in trouble both for the dog peeing in the house, but also for lying to me. He’d have been in trouble twice.”

“Tom I love you. And I know you’ll be tempted to lie to me in the future. And you probably will lie to me in the future, but I need you to promise me you’ll try your best to try not to lie to me.”

I think I calmed him down enough that he’d stopped crying.

This lesson, however, has not sunk in, as I still catch him lying about the dumbest things.

I hate liars. I do love my son though.